Imperfect Genius

Wow, it’s been over a month since I posted! Since fall my posting has pretty touch-n-go. So much has been going on “behind the scenes” in my life and I mean that quite literally because much of it has been mental and emotional.

“What does she mean?” you say. Well, our family is in a state of transition right now. We’ve been slowing edging into several major projects, embracing different philosophies, and exploring new paths (how would one sum up all those things?) and the changes have intensified lately, requiring a great time of our time & energy.

It occurred to me the other day that I’ve existed under a heavy fog for a while - just very disorganized and unfocused. Demands have been coming in from all sides and I’ve been trying to deal with them as best I can, but the pressure built up so slowly over the past two years that I didn’t notice I was overloading myself and experiencing serious burnout until it was all just too much! I think I kind of shut down, like a self-protection mechanism took hold or something.

Now that I’m starting to get my bearings again, I’ve forced myself to take a step back and reevaluate. I’ve noticed how out of whack things have been! Rather than working towards the changes we really want to make, we’ve been focusing on the arbitrary stuff! The things that shouldn’t take priority have been getting my attention while the things that really matter have been slid to the backburner. I’ve been doling out my energy and time to many worthy endeavors, but in doing so I’ve stretched myself too far. The old adage of ‘family comes first’ needs to be applied here.

Finally, I haven’t been acting in harmony with the realistic demands facing us, such as the amount of work that still lies ahead and the determination and effort it will take to get through these transitions - both physically and mentally.

I’m certainly not the only one struggling under the weight of these things. DH has had equal demands of his own to shoulder, as well as the shared issues that affect our family. I think we’ve both suffered from a case of “ignore it and maybe it will go away”. In addition, our children have their own concerns and ideas. We’ve all had our patience tested by the proverbial dangling carrot that’s been just ever so slightly out of reach for what seems like far too long. Ah, the growing pains of family life!

But now, having realized these problems, we’re determined to go in a direction that’s both meaningful and productive for the long-term health of our family. We want to refocus, find a way to recharge, and then get moving, even if it’s slowly at first. Striving to make desires and possibilities turn into realities is one of the challenges of leading an ever-evolving life and being open to improving and refining our ways of living.

Lots of changes have been on the horizon and most are interconnected, so that explains why they all seem to be happening at once, but it’s nonetheless been a lot for me to handle. I hesitated to say “deal with” because these are welcome, positive changes. I guess it just takes a certain amount of energy and determination to get through any transition! I have lots more to write but I’ll save it for another post. Writing helps me sort out my thoughts and prioritize my goals. I’m able to see things in a clearer light, which makes life more manageable. I need to get back in the habit!

Anyways, hopefully this post will reassure everyone that I haven’t fallen off the face of the planet or been abducted by aliens. I’ve just been caught up in life and haven’t had enough time or focus to write lately. I hope everyone is enjoying the new year so far! I can’t believe it will be February soon. Which reminds me that I’ll be turning 30 next month. Yep, the big 3-0.