Imperfect Genius

NOTES & REFLECTIONS #1
“How To Talk So Kids Will Listen”
By Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

Discipline and punishment are not the same thing.

All my life I’ve heard these two words used interchangeably. However, although the intention may be the same, they employ different skill sets and have opposite results. I made a list of the attributes of each. Understanding the distinction between the two has been really helpful.

Discipline
…uses information to help a child develop internal guidance.
…allows natural consequences to prompt change.
…requires mutual respect and trust in order to work.
…affirms the dignity and humanity of all family members.
…nurtures a spirit of cooperation and responsibility.
…encourages a child’s natural problem solving abilities.

Punishment
…uses punitive deprivation or deliberate pain as retribution.
…means exerting control over a child by force or coercion.
…often involves blaming, threats, lecturing, and moralizing.
…leaves the child feeling resentful, angry, or apprehensive.
…creates an atmosphere of mistrust between parent and child.