Imperfect Genius

Angie wrote:

My oldest child started kindergarten this year. He seems stressed out by the two hour bus ride and all the activities going on in the classroom. He is unable to focus his energy on even simple tasks because of this. The school is pushing me to send him on to first grade, and told me to work with him at home this summer to help him “catch up”. But I’m afraid of this option and how it might affect him academically next year, since this year doesn’t seem very successful.

He is an extremely bright child but isn’t able to express his knowledge in the limited ways available at PS. His teacher says he has the information in his mind, lots of it in fact, but is so overwhelmed by the activities in his environment that he is unable to communicate the information. But in the same breath she said that the school environment and all its activity is exactly what he needs to overcome this problem. I’m not altogether certain I agree.

He loves going to school even though it is stressful for him. If I was to take him out of school I would be concerned about him missing the activities with other children. What’s going on during his long day away from home, however, is more important to me. There are many issues occuring regularly since he started school that would be completely eliminated were he at home. I’ve thought about homeschooling but I’m a bit apprehensive. Do you have any advice? What curriculum should I use?

Angie,

You seem to know deep down what the solution is, but you’re facing a common conflict: listening to your gut instincts about your own child versus doing what the school told you is best for him.

Read your own words again. It’s obvious that your son is not doing well in the school environment. You already realize that the problems your family are dealing with at home are related to his being in school, and on top of that you feel that he is falling through the cracks because he doesn’t fit into the mold.

I don’t think his teacher was wise to encourage you to keep him in an environment he is clearly uncomfortable with. He is a sensitive child who does not do well in loud, chaotic spaces. In essence she is suggesting that he be forced to change his very nature. You must ask - who does this benefit? Your son or the school?

We started homeschooling for reasons very similar to the ones you spoke about. Our daughter was in a preschool program at the time and Kindergarten was fast approaching. The closer it got the more worried we became. We just knew it wasn’t the right environment for her.

Lots of what you said, like feeling overwhelmed and being unable to focus, applied in her case, too. And she also liked being with other children but it was stressful for her as well, to be in a classroom with so many other kids and all the noise. She does much better playing one-on-one or in small groups. Her attention span was nil. She started having behavioral problems, like meltdowns and tantrums, because she was frustrated and worn out from being in a classroom all day.

Homeschooling was the best decision we made. Oh, we were nervous at first and thought maybe it would be a temporary thing, but now it’s been 2 years and we can’t imagine doing something different because it’s working so well. The behavioral issues disappeared and at first she did miss going to class at first, but it was clear that not going was so much healthier for her.

The bonus is that it has been a wonderful choice for us as a family. We have more time together and we are not ruled by the school schedule. Plus, after having been blessed with this time, I realize that it just doesn’t seem right to send young kids away for 9 hours a day. I think they really do need to be with their families more than they need to be sitting in a classroom with twenty other kids.

There are two homeschooling groups in your area that offer activities and events for kids of all ages. I recommend joining both groups and seeing which one is the right fit for your family. I also suggest joining an online group. Yahoo Groups has hundreds of local, state, and national lists and many special interest groups as well. They are full of people who are friendly and helpful. Groups are great places to ask questions, get to know other homeschooling families, and learn about events in your area.

I think it’s normal to be apprehensive about homeschooling, but as you learn more you’ll find that it’s a very empowering choice and that it affects not just your children but yourself as well. You’ll find that there are plenty of social opportunities nearby and that they are certainly more pleasant and convenient than the lengthy bus ride he endures through twice a day!

As for curriculum there are so many options. I’d really suggest not jumping into anything right now. I know that it feels like there is an urgency, that you need to find something right away and get started asap. I’ve been there and so has just about every other family in your situation. The school system can make you feel panicky about how quickly your child learns and how much education he gets each day. You probably feel that you should get started immediately and waste no time getting him “caught up”.

But as a wise woman once said, there are no educational emergencies. Summer is almost here. Let him finish out the school year if you want, and then just take the summer off. Completely off. Forget what they told you about working with him this summer. He probably doesn’t even need to “catch up”. I know, that goes against everything you’ve been told, lol.

I bet once he has a comfortable, peaceful environment again he’ll revert back to his old self. You already know he’s intelligent and his teacher admitted that he already had the information, he just couldn’t communicate it. So what’s the panic? It was Kindergarten for crying out loud. How much could he have missed? The essential lesson in Kindergarten is learning how to be a school student. If you’re a homeschooler this just isn’t an issue.

You can use the summer months to let him adjust to being out of school, to get back to being himself. This will also give you several months to relax. You’ve been a stressed out parent and you need to deschool and get that out of your system,  too. Enjoy being with your son, don’t worry about all the fine details right now. You’ll also need some time to sort through all the information that crosses your path.

As for all that info, take what you like and leave the rest. One of the wonderful things about homeschooling is that it’s completely customizable and each family does what works for them. Don’t spend money buying an expensive curriculum before you’ve had time to consider all your options. School-in-a-box may not be the best fit for your child.

At his age you can find supplies just about anywhere, even Kmart or Walmart. And you can do lots of free stuff, too, like reading books together and writing letters to penpals. It doesn’t have to cost a lot or be prepackaged to be effective and useful.

There are many styles of homeschooling, such as classical, Waldorf, and unschooling, just to name a few. Read about them and think about what seems comfortable for your family. We started out thinking of homeschooling primarily as an educational method, but now we realize it’s a lifestyle, an extension of our family philosophy. It fits with the way we want to raise our kids.

Just trust your intuition and you’ll figure out what is right for your family. I wish you the best!